REFLECTIONS FROM THE BOOK HUMBLE INQUIRY THE GENTLE ART OF ASKING INSTEAD OF TELLING EDGAR H. SCHEIN
Humble Inquiry The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling EDGAR H. SCHEIN
IMPROVE COMMUNICATION
How can we do better? The answer is simple, but its implementation is not. We would have to do three things: 1) do less telling 2) learn to do more asking in the particular form of Humble Inquiry and 3) do a better job of listening and acknowledging. Talking and listening have received enormous attention via hundreds of books on communication. But the social art of asking a question has been strangely neglected.
HOW DOES ASKING BUILD RELATIONSHIPS?
Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it. On the other hand, asking temporarily empowers the other person in the conversation and temporarily makes me vulnerable.
ASKING QUESTIONS BUILDS TRUST
Trust builds on my end because I have made myself vulnerable, and the other person has not taken advantage of me nor ignored me. Trust builds on the other persons end because I have shown an interest in and paid attention to what I have been told. A conversation that builds a trusting relationship is, therefore, an interactive process in which each party invests and gets something of value in return.
ARE WE TOO TASK DRIVEN?
We also live in a structured society in which building relationships is not as important as task accomplishment, in which it is appropriate and expected that the subordinate does more asking than telling, while the boss does more telling that asking. Having to ask is a sign of weakness or ignorance, so we avoid it as much as possible.
Humble Inquiry is the skill and the art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.
ASK QUESTIONS THAT BUILD RELATIONSHIPS AND BREAKTHROUGHS
Asking for examples is not only one of the most powerful ways of showing curiosity, interest, and concern, but alsoand even more importantit clarifies general statements. A timely open question is sometimes all that is needed to start effective problem solving.
When the choice is between you or me, look for a way to explore us, the relationship itself. Ask an open question to get information that you need (a question that is not answerable with just a yes or no).
THE POWER OF ASKING RATHER THAN TELLING OR QUIZZING
Humble Inquiry is not a checklist to follow or a set of prewritten questionsit is behavior that comes out of respect, genuine curiosity, and the desire to improve the quality of the conversation by stimulating greater openness and the sharing of task-relevant information.
DIFFERENT FORMS OF ASKING
1) Humble Inquiry
I do not want to lead the other person or put him or her into a position of having to give a socially acceptable response. I want to inquire in the way that will best discover what is really on the other persons mind. I want others to feel that I accept them, am interested in them, and am genuinely curious. Humble Inquiry does not influence either the content of what the other person has to say, nor the form in which it is said.
2) Diagnostic inquiry
What differentiates this form of inquiry is that it influences the others mental process. How did (do) you feel about that? (Feelings) Why did that happen? (Motives). What have you tried so far? (Actions) As innocent and supportive as these questions might seem, they take control of the situation and force others to think about something that they may not have considered and may not want to consider.
3) Confrontational inquiry
The essence of confrontational inquiry is that you now insert your own ideas but in the form of a question. When we talk about rhetorical questions or leading questions, we are acknowledging that the question is really a form of telling. You are tacitly giving advice, and this often arouses resistance in others and makes it harder to build relationships with them because they have to explain or defend.
4) Process-oriented inquiry
An option that is always on the table is to shift the conversational focus onto the conversation itself. I can humbly ask some version of What is happening? ( Are we OK? Did I offend you?) to explore what might be wrong and how it might be fixed. The power of this kind of inquiry is that it focuses on the relationship.
CULTURAL VALUES VERSUS CULTURAL REALITY
The most common example of this in the United States is that we claim to value teamwork and talk about it all the time, but the artifactsour promotional systems and rewards systemsare entirely individualistic. We espouse equality of opportunity and freedom, but the artifactspoorer education, little opportunity, and various forms of discrimination for ghetto minoritiessuggest that there are other assumptions having to do with pragmatism and rugged individualism that operate all the time and really determine our behavior.
THE MAIN PROBLEMA CULTURE THAT VALUES TASK ACCOMPLISHMENT MORE THAN RELATIONSHIP BUILDING
Many cultures are individualistic, competitive, optimistic, and pragmatic. We believe that the basic unit of society is the individual, whose rights have to be protected at all costs. We are entrepreneurial and admire individual accomplishment. We thrive on competition. Optimism and pragmatism show up in the way we are oriented toward the short term and in our dislike of long-range planning. We do not like to fix things and improve them while they are still working. We prefer to run things until they break because we believe we can then fix them or replace them.
Most important of all, we value task accomplishment over relationship building and either are not aware of this cultural bias or, worse, dont care and dont want to be bothered with it.
We tout and admire teamwork and the winning team (espoused values), but we dont for a minute believe that the team could have done it without the individual star, who usually receives much greater pay
SOMETHING TO LOOK OUT FOR DURING THE ELECTORAL CAMPAIGN
We still live in a culture of what Stephen Potter so eloquently described in the 1950s as gamesmanship and one-upmanship.To be an effective gamesman or lifeman, Potter notes, one must know how to win without actually cheating or practice the art of getting away with it without being an absolute plonk. In pre-election debates we only care who won and often base that decision not on who did the best analysis of the issues but who looked most presidential in front of the cameras and who turned the best phrase or made the most clever put-down.
The world is becoming more technologically complex, interdependent, and culturally diverse, which makes the building of relationships more and more necessary to get things accomplished and, at the same time, more difficult. Relationships are the key to good communication good communication is the key to successful task accomplishment and Humble Inquiry, based on Here-and-now Humility, is the key to good relationships.
THE IMPORTANCE OF TEAM BUILDING
We know intuitively and from experience that we work better in a complex interdependent task with someone we know and trust, but we are not prepared to spend the effort, time, and money to ensure that such relationships are built. We value such relationships when they are built as part of the work itself, as in military operations where soldiers form intense personal relationships with their buddies. We admire the loyalty to each other and the heroism that is displayed on behalf of someone with whom one has a relationship, but when we see such deep relationships in a business organization, we consider it unusual. And programs for team building are often the first things cut in the budget when cost issues arise.
OBSERVE. REACT. JUDGE. INTERVENE.
What comes out of our mouth and our overall demeanor in the conversation is deeply dependent on what is going on inside our head. We cannot be appropriately humble if we misread or misjudge the situation we are in and what is appropriate in that situation. We must become aware that our minds are capable of producing biases, perceptual distortions, and inappropriate impulses. To be effective in Humble Inquiry, we must make an effort to learn what these biases and distortions are. To begin this learning, we need a simplifying model of processes that are, in fact, extremely complex because our nervous system simultaneously gathers data, processes data, proactively manages what data to gather, and decides how to react. What we see and hear and how we react to things are partly driven by our needs and expectations. Though these processes occur at the same time, it is useful to distinguish them and treat them as a cycle. That is, we observe (O), we react emotionally to what we have observed (R), we analyze, process, and make judgments based on our observations and feelings (J), and we behave overtly in order to make something happenwe intervene (I). Humble Inquiry is one category of such an intervention.
The problem....
We see and hear more or less what we expect or anticipate based on prior experience, or, more importantly, on what we hope to achieve. Our wants and needs distort to an unknown degree what we perceive. We block out a great deal of information that is potentially available if it does not fit our needs, expectations, preconceptions, and prejudgments.
Perhaps the clearest examples of this are the defense mechanisms denial and projection. Denial is refusing to see certain categories of information as they apply to us, and projection is seeing in others what is actually operating in us.
REFLECT MORE AND ASK YOURSELF HUMBLE INQUIRY QUESTIONS
In our task-oriented impatient culture of Do and Tell, the most important thing to learn is how to reflect. We wont know when it is essential to be humble and when it is appropriate to tell unless we get better at assessing the nature of the situation we are in, what the present state of our relationships with others is, and, most important, what is going on in our own head and heart. One way to learn to reflect is to apply Humble Inquiry to ourselves. Before leaping into action, we can ask ourselves: What is going on here? What would be the appropriate thing to do? What am I thinking and feeling and wanting?
If the task is to be accomplished effectively and safely, it will be especially important to answer these questions: On whom am I dependent? Who is dependent on me? With whom do I need to build a relationship in order to improve communication?
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome. Right at the bottom you'll see details to subscribe by email or receive coaching.
BE A BETTER YOU - OVERCOMING THE BARRIERS TO CHANGE
BE A BETTER YOU OVERCOMING THE BARRIERS TO CHANGE
SOME THEORY
William Bridges wrote about his life and value changing experiences, developing a transition model, when he retired from work. In short, the model identifies three stages people go through as they gradually enter and accept the new organisational landscape. The model mainly focuses on psychological change during the transitions between each stage.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book talked about the stages of grief. This has been recognised by many as equally applying to our reaction to change.
Denial The first reaction is denial.
Anger : When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue
Bargaining : The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid the situation
Depression : I'm so sad, why bother with anything?
Acceptance : It's going to be okay. I can't fight it I may as well prepare for it.
Viktor Frankl argued that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl's theory-known as logotherapy, from the Greek word logos (meaning)-holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.
Julian B. Rotter in 1954, came up with the concept of a Locus of control: The degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces (beyond their influence), have control over the outcome of events in their lives
Stephen Karpman suggested in the Drama Triangle that we get to choose a role.
The Victim: The Victim's stance is Poor me!
The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is Let me help you.
The Persecutor: (in this case Coronavirus, or Government or Conspiracy)
OK THATS THE THEORY WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Many people are valued for what they do rather than who they are. This is partly western culture and as much about how we valued ourselves as how society or employers value us. Under these circumstances being sent home with not enough to do may impact our sense of self-worth. The uncertainty, plus lack of control may create anxiety.
A lack of tasks or content in our day may create boredom or distress which we can resolve by filling with activity which may be constructive (hobbies or chores around the home) or destructive (excessive drinking, eating or social media). Being jobless (or simply without enough work to do) may make us feel useless and thus meaningless leading to depression, aggression or addiction.
A remedy may be to change your mindset from being without work to being on holiday. With a new angle of perception, we may find better pastimes to pass the time. Or to change our role within the existing context from Victim to Rescuer and take part in any of the voluntary on-line or off-line efforts to help people.
Frankl argued that we cannot simply be happy, any more than we can snap out of being depressed. The challenge instead is to find meaning, a reason to be happy: A cause (or a person) to serve.
My view is that it is better to be the captain of your ship rather than the crew of someone else and therefore better to pursue meaningful tasks to your own ends of none are forthcoming from your boss, spouse, family or community.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR ME?
Take control and set-up some habits and routines for yourself. You dont have to be good at it to enjoy it and you will enjoy it once you get good at it. The real secret is not so much the habits (which should be positive) but the fact that you are taking charge of them.
As noted by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross you will go through periods of frustration and doubt but these are just sign-posts on the journey and not the destination. Remember it is you who is in control and decides what role to play.
REFERENCES AND LINKS
William Bridges transition model
https://www.toolshero.com/change-management/bridges-transition-model/
Elisabeth Kbler-Ross stages of grief
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Viktor Frankl
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
Drama Triangle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Locus of Control
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
SOME THEORY
William Bridges wrote about his life and value changing experiences, developing a transition model, when he retired from work. In short, the model identifies three stages people go through as they gradually enter and accept the new organisational landscape. The model mainly focuses on psychological change during the transitions between each stage.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book talked about the stages of grief. This has been recognised by many as equally applying to our reaction to change.
Denial The first reaction is denial.
Anger : When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue
Bargaining : The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid the situation
Depression : I'm so sad, why bother with anything?
Acceptance : It's going to be okay. I can't fight it I may as well prepare for it.
Viktor Frankl argued that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl's theory-known as logotherapy, from the Greek word logos (meaning)-holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.
Julian B. Rotter in 1954, came up with the concept of a Locus of control: The degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces (beyond their influence), have control over the outcome of events in their lives
Stephen Karpman suggested in the Drama Triangle that we get to choose a role.
The Victim: The Victim's stance is Poor me!
The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is Let me help you.
The Persecutor: (in this case Coronavirus, or Government or Conspiracy)
OK THATS THE THEORY WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Many people are valued for what they do rather than who they are. This is partly western culture and as much about how we valued ourselves as how society or employers value us. Under these circumstances being sent home with not enough to do may impact our sense of self-worth. The uncertainty, plus lack of control may create anxiety.
A lack of tasks or content in our day may create boredom or distress which we can resolve by filling with activity which may be constructive (hobbies or chores around the home) or destructive (excessive drinking, eating or social media). Being jobless (or simply without enough work to do) may make us feel useless and thus meaningless leading to depression, aggression or addiction.
A remedy may be to change your mindset from being without work to being on holiday. With a new angle of perception, we may find better pastimes to pass the time. Or to change our role within the existing context from Victim to Rescuer and take part in any of the voluntary on-line or off-line efforts to help people.
Frankl argued that we cannot simply be happy, any more than we can snap out of being depressed. The challenge instead is to find meaning, a reason to be happy: A cause (or a person) to serve.
My view is that it is better to be the captain of your ship rather than the crew of someone else and therefore better to pursue meaningful tasks to your own ends of none are forthcoming from your boss, spouse, family or community.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR ME?
Take control and set-up some habits and routines for yourself. You dont have to be good at it to enjoy it and you will enjoy it once you get good at it. The real secret is not so much the habits (which should be positive) but the fact that you are taking charge of them.
As noted by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross you will go through periods of frustration and doubt but these are just sign-posts on the journey and not the destination. Remember it is you who is in control and decides what role to play.
REFERENCES AND LINKS
William Bridges transition model
https://www.toolshero.com/change-management/bridges-transition-model/
Elisabeth Kbler-Ross stages of grief
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Viktor Frankl
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
Drama Triangle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Locus of Control
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
BE A BETTER YOU - CHANGE YOUR HABITS AND YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE
BE A BETTER YOU - CHANGE YOUR HABITS AND YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Below are some observations from Habit Stacking: 127 Small Changes to Improve Your Health, Wealth, and Happiness by S.J. Scott, plus some observations from my own life.
ACTION IS EVERYTHING. SUCCESS IS A HABIT.
To quote Jeff Olson, from his book The Slight Edge: The truth is, what you do matters. What you do today matters. What you do every day matters. Successful people do things that seem to make no difference at all in the act of doing them, and they do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in.
THE CHAIN REACTION OF POSITIVE HABITS
Keystone habits are a powerful concept that Charles Duhigg discussed in this book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.
Simply put, a keystone habit can have a positive impact on multiple areas of your lifeeven if youre not intentionally trying to improve them.
A common example that people use is a thirty-minute daily exercise routine. Lets say you start running to lose a few pounds. As you get fitter, you subconsciously start to avoid fatty and sugary foods, so your weight dramatically decreases. This improves your self-esteem, which creates a positive change in both your relationships and your career (because you now feel confident enough to ask for a raise). On the surface, all you did was exercise for thirty minutes every day, but the addition of this single habit caused a chain reaction of positive results.
ELEPHANT HABITS, ONE BITE AT A TIME
The goal here is to chip away at a simple but time-consuming project in five-to fifteen-minute daily increments. You can do this with many of the larger tasks on your to-do list:
Decluttering your home Packing for a move
Organizing your paperwork
Studying for an exam
Completing a time-consuming homework assignment
Reading a difficult book
I use elephant habits all the time whenever Im faced with something unpleasant. Rather than building it up in my mind as a horrific ordeal, I overcome inertia by scheduling a five-to ten-minute daily block where I can chip away at the project.
It always surprises me that some people do tasks as late as possible and then leave no time to address problems. An early start need not make the task any longer, you get success sooner, and you have time at the end to address problems.
RESISTANCE OR CONSTRAINTS BURN MOTIVATION
In the book Willpower, authors Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney described a concept known as ego depletion, which is a persons diminished capacity to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Simply put, our willpower is like a muscle. It weakens throughout the day because of constant use.
Baumeister and his colleagues have tested ego depletion in a variety of scenarios. One was called the radish experiment. Here, they brought three groups of people into a room and offered a selection of food (before working on a puzzle): pieces of chocolate, warm cookies, and radishes. One group could eat anything they wanted. Another group could only eat the radishes. The final group wasnt given any food options. After that, each group was moved into a separate room, where they had to work on a challenging puzzle. The groups that didnt previously exert willpower (i.e., they ate whatever they wanted or werent given a food option) worked on the puzzle for an average of twenty minutes. The group that had to exert willpower and resist the tasty treats worked on the puzzle for an average of eight minutes.
Similar experiments and resulted are noted in Danny Kahneman system 1 and system 2 in te book Thinking Fast And Slow
Thinking, Fast and Slow, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacationeach of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions.
More generally, System 1 uses association and metaphor to produce a quick and dirty draft of reality, which System 2 draws on to arrive at explicit beliefs and reasoned choices. System 1 proposes, System 2 disposes. So System 2 would seem to be the boss, right? In principle, yes. But System 2, in addition to being more deliberate and rational, is also lazy. And it tires easily. (The vogue term for this is ego depletion.) Too often, instead of slowing things down and analyzing them, System 2 is content to accept the easy but unreliable story about the world that System 1 feeds to it. Although System 2 believes itself to be where the action is, Kahneman writes, the automatic System 1 is the hero of this book. System 2 is especially quiescent, it seems, when your mood is a happy one.
This is why Im most productive in the morning, before the distractions that sap my time and energy.
SMALL HABITS MAKE BIG CHANGES
In the book The Compound Effect, author Darren Hardy explains it best with a simple formula: Small, Smart Choices Consistency Time = RADICAL DIFFERENCE To demonstrate this concept, let me give you five examples of how simple actions can help you in any area of your life.
As a Commonwealth Games Triathlete and World Championship Rower I know my successes were more to do with routine than talent or heroic effort.When asked about lessons from the Commonwealth Games or World Champs Rowing Ive always offered the following quotes
Quote1 >> 80% of life is just turning up Woody Allen
I just turn up, to every training session, to every lesson, to every meeting. It's amazing what your learn, who you meet and how you improve by just turning up.
Quote2 >> Do exactly what is says on the tin Ronseal
Life often is just doing the obvious: eat, sleep, drink, think. Every weight loss programme. Every training regime. Every qualification is simply a matter of do this, then that, then the other. Everything is obvious in the world of google. The challenge is doing it.
Quote3 >> If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it, And which is more youll be a man, my son!
By Rudyard Kipling
We all have the same 24 hours, how do you use yours?
USEFUL REFERENCES AND LINKS
Thinking Fast And Slow
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/books/review/thinking-fast-and-slow-by-daniel-kahneman-book-review.html
Below are some observations from Habit Stacking: 127 Small Changes to Improve Your Health, Wealth, and Happiness by S.J. Scott, plus some observations from my own life.
ACTION IS EVERYTHING. SUCCESS IS A HABIT.
To quote Jeff Olson, from his book The Slight Edge: The truth is, what you do matters. What you do today matters. What you do every day matters. Successful people do things that seem to make no difference at all in the act of doing them, and they do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in.
THE CHAIN REACTION OF POSITIVE HABITS
Keystone habits are a powerful concept that Charles Duhigg discussed in this book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.
Simply put, a keystone habit can have a positive impact on multiple areas of your lifeeven if youre not intentionally trying to improve them.
A common example that people use is a thirty-minute daily exercise routine. Lets say you start running to lose a few pounds. As you get fitter, you subconsciously start to avoid fatty and sugary foods, so your weight dramatically decreases. This improves your self-esteem, which creates a positive change in both your relationships and your career (because you now feel confident enough to ask for a raise). On the surface, all you did was exercise for thirty minutes every day, but the addition of this single habit caused a chain reaction of positive results.
ELEPHANT HABITS, ONE BITE AT A TIME
The goal here is to chip away at a simple but time-consuming project in five-to fifteen-minute daily increments. You can do this with many of the larger tasks on your to-do list:
Decluttering your home Packing for a move
Organizing your paperwork
Studying for an exam
Completing a time-consuming homework assignment
Reading a difficult book
I use elephant habits all the time whenever Im faced with something unpleasant. Rather than building it up in my mind as a horrific ordeal, I overcome inertia by scheduling a five-to ten-minute daily block where I can chip away at the project.
It always surprises me that some people do tasks as late as possible and then leave no time to address problems. An early start need not make the task any longer, you get success sooner, and you have time at the end to address problems.
RESISTANCE OR CONSTRAINTS BURN MOTIVATION
In the book Willpower, authors Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney described a concept known as ego depletion, which is a persons diminished capacity to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Simply put, our willpower is like a muscle. It weakens throughout the day because of constant use.
Baumeister and his colleagues have tested ego depletion in a variety of scenarios. One was called the radish experiment. Here, they brought three groups of people into a room and offered a selection of food (before working on a puzzle): pieces of chocolate, warm cookies, and radishes. One group could eat anything they wanted. Another group could only eat the radishes. The final group wasnt given any food options. After that, each group was moved into a separate room, where they had to work on a challenging puzzle. The groups that didnt previously exert willpower (i.e., they ate whatever they wanted or werent given a food option) worked on the puzzle for an average of twenty minutes. The group that had to exert willpower and resist the tasty treats worked on the puzzle for an average of eight minutes.
Similar experiments and resulted are noted in Danny Kahneman system 1 and system 2 in te book Thinking Fast And Slow
Thinking, Fast and Slow, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacationeach of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions.
More generally, System 1 uses association and metaphor to produce a quick and dirty draft of reality, which System 2 draws on to arrive at explicit beliefs and reasoned choices. System 1 proposes, System 2 disposes. So System 2 would seem to be the boss, right? In principle, yes. But System 2, in addition to being more deliberate and rational, is also lazy. And it tires easily. (The vogue term for this is ego depletion.) Too often, instead of slowing things down and analyzing them, System 2 is content to accept the easy but unreliable story about the world that System 1 feeds to it. Although System 2 believes itself to be where the action is, Kahneman writes, the automatic System 1 is the hero of this book. System 2 is especially quiescent, it seems, when your mood is a happy one.
This is why Im most productive in the morning, before the distractions that sap my time and energy.
SMALL HABITS MAKE BIG CHANGES
In the book The Compound Effect, author Darren Hardy explains it best with a simple formula: Small, Smart Choices Consistency Time = RADICAL DIFFERENCE To demonstrate this concept, let me give you five examples of how simple actions can help you in any area of your life.
As a Commonwealth Games Triathlete and World Championship Rower I know my successes were more to do with routine than talent or heroic effort.When asked about lessons from the Commonwealth Games or World Champs Rowing Ive always offered the following quotes
Quote1 >> 80% of life is just turning up Woody Allen
I just turn up, to every training session, to every lesson, to every meeting. It's amazing what your learn, who you meet and how you improve by just turning up.
Quote2 >> Do exactly what is says on the tin Ronseal
Life often is just doing the obvious: eat, sleep, drink, think. Every weight loss programme. Every training regime. Every qualification is simply a matter of do this, then that, then the other. Everything is obvious in the world of google. The challenge is doing it.
Quote3 >> If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it, And which is more youll be a man, my son!
By Rudyard Kipling
We all have the same 24 hours, how do you use yours?
USEFUL REFERENCES AND LINKS
Thinking Fast And Slow
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/books/review/thinking-fast-and-slow-by-daniel-kahneman-book-review.html
BE A BETTER YOU 6 STEPS AND 3 QUOTES TO BE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP
BE A BETTER YOU 6 STEPS AND 3 QUOTES TO BE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP
I often use the phase: Are you the captain of your ship or the crew of someone elses.
KEY THOUGHTS
All credit to Positive Neil for the observations below, although they are my interpretation of based on my recollection of what he said and my own experience.
Quote: Anger is not a cloud that you want into. It is a thought that creates action and experience. You can choose that thought. The ability to choose, to control, is medication.
This is a great quote and links directly to the Ladder of Inference How to Avoid Jumping to Conclusions (link below) and how we can choose how to infer and respond to people and events.
It also says something about the locus of control: the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control.
I liked these practical tips
Step 1>> Dont start worrying about the stress on your mind until you have sorted out the foundations like: Have you drunk enough water had enough sleep ate the right foods done some exercise etc.
This is good advice because if you are already physically stressed then it seems unlikely or impossible that you are in a good position to start dealing with mental stress. I highly recommend The Organized Mind, Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload by Levitin, Daniel J. , if you want to understand the neuroscience of this.
Step 2>> Find the time, some time for just you. It may be at dawn, lunchtime, dusk, when caught in a queue or a traffic jam, but find some time to check-in with yourself.
As a former athlete with a full-time job I am used to being up at 5am, in the pool by 6:30am and at my desk by 8:45am. In Jersey in particular there is no commute like London and there is no reason not to carve out the start, middle and end of the day to do something more productive. We all get 24 hours. How do you use yours.
I am always amazed by people who have no time, but do have a smart-phone, TV, and lots of distractions which take time but dont give growth.
Step 3>> Have routine tasks and get these done so that your chores are done and you are free to think about important things rather than urgent things.
I believe routine habits are essential. There is a lot of trash said about motivation. You dont wake at 5am every day because you are motivated, you do it because it is part of a habit, routine or regime that is geared towards your goal. You may start with motivation, but you keep going with habit!
Step 4>> Meditate. If you have done all the above you are in a good state to be mindful, reflective, meditative.
I know from Glenda Rivoallen PhD Mindfulness for Entrepreneurs, that I cannot blank my head, empty my thoughts, or erase my feelings. By I can direct my focus. I can think about how my arms, legs, lungs feel as I swim, bike or run. I can study a rock-face and think about the best route to climb. I can feel the breeze on my face or the water that laps around my feet. So this is my version of mindfulness.
The key thing is that for those moments I am not thinking about someone, something, somewhere that I need to be, do, see.
Step 5>> Relationships. Make time to spend time with the right and important people.
As an athlete or entrepreneur success is heavily linked to being selfish and single minded. Without doubt the scales may be heavily tipped against relationships or friendships. However try to do enough to keep these alive. Dont loose touch. Even a phone call, coffee, email, skype is enough to maintain the correction if not nurture the relationship.
Clearly it would be better to have strong relationships that bring joy, happiness and support and these are worth investing and cultivating but it would be nave to suggest that this is easy for everyone.
Step 6>> Life. Get all the above more or less right, an repeat each day, for the rest of your life making tiny improvements each day.
When asked about lessons from the Commonwealth Games or World Champs Rowing Ive always offered the following quotes
Quote1 >> 80% of life is just turning up Woody Allen
I just turn up, to every training session, to every lesson, to every meeting. It's amazing what your learn, who you meet and how you improve by just turning up.
Quote2 >> Do exactly what is says on the tin Ronseal
Life often is just doing the obvious: eat, sleep, drink, think. Every weight loss programme. Every training regime. Every qualification is simply a matter of do this, then that, then the other. Everything is obvious in the world of google. The challenge is doing it.
Quote3 >> If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it, Andwhich is moreyoull be a Man, my son! By Rudyard Kipling
We all have the same 24 hours, how do you use yours?
REFERENCE
Positive Neil
https://www.positiveneil.com/
I often use the phase: Are you the captain of your ship or the crew of someone elses.
KEY THOUGHTS
All credit to Positive Neil for the observations below, although they are my interpretation of based on my recollection of what he said and my own experience.
Quote: Anger is not a cloud that you want into. It is a thought that creates action and experience. You can choose that thought. The ability to choose, to control, is medication.
This is a great quote and links directly to the Ladder of Inference How to Avoid Jumping to Conclusions (link below) and how we can choose how to infer and respond to people and events.
It also says something about the locus of control: the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control.
I liked these practical tips
Step 1>> Dont start worrying about the stress on your mind until you have sorted out the foundations like: Have you drunk enough water had enough sleep ate the right foods done some exercise etc.
This is good advice because if you are already physically stressed then it seems unlikely or impossible that you are in a good position to start dealing with mental stress. I highly recommend The Organized Mind, Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload by Levitin, Daniel J. , if you want to understand the neuroscience of this.
Step 2>> Find the time, some time for just you. It may be at dawn, lunchtime, dusk, when caught in a queue or a traffic jam, but find some time to check-in with yourself.
As a former athlete with a full-time job I am used to being up at 5am, in the pool by 6:30am and at my desk by 8:45am. In Jersey in particular there is no commute like London and there is no reason not to carve out the start, middle and end of the day to do something more productive. We all get 24 hours. How do you use yours.
I am always amazed by people who have no time, but do have a smart-phone, TV, and lots of distractions which take time but dont give growth.
Step 3>> Have routine tasks and get these done so that your chores are done and you are free to think about important things rather than urgent things.
I believe routine habits are essential. There is a lot of trash said about motivation. You dont wake at 5am every day because you are motivated, you do it because it is part of a habit, routine or regime that is geared towards your goal. You may start with motivation, but you keep going with habit!
Step 4>> Meditate. If you have done all the above you are in a good state to be mindful, reflective, meditative.
I know from Glenda Rivoallen PhD Mindfulness for Entrepreneurs, that I cannot blank my head, empty my thoughts, or erase my feelings. By I can direct my focus. I can think about how my arms, legs, lungs feel as I swim, bike or run. I can study a rock-face and think about the best route to climb. I can feel the breeze on my face or the water that laps around my feet. So this is my version of mindfulness.
The key thing is that for those moments I am not thinking about someone, something, somewhere that I need to be, do, see.
Step 5>> Relationships. Make time to spend time with the right and important people.
As an athlete or entrepreneur success is heavily linked to being selfish and single minded. Without doubt the scales may be heavily tipped against relationships or friendships. However try to do enough to keep these alive. Dont loose touch. Even a phone call, coffee, email, skype is enough to maintain the correction if not nurture the relationship.
Clearly it would be better to have strong relationships that bring joy, happiness and support and these are worth investing and cultivating but it would be nave to suggest that this is easy for everyone.
Step 6>> Life. Get all the above more or less right, an repeat each day, for the rest of your life making tiny improvements each day.
When asked about lessons from the Commonwealth Games or World Champs Rowing Ive always offered the following quotes
Quote1 >> 80% of life is just turning up Woody Allen
I just turn up, to every training session, to every lesson, to every meeting. It's amazing what your learn, who you meet and how you improve by just turning up.
Quote2 >> Do exactly what is says on the tin Ronseal
Life often is just doing the obvious: eat, sleep, drink, think. Every weight loss programme. Every training regime. Every qualification is simply a matter of do this, then that, then the other. Everything is obvious in the world of google. The challenge is doing it.
Quote3 >> If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it, Andwhich is moreyoull be a Man, my son! By Rudyard Kipling
We all have the same 24 hours, how do you use yours?
REFERENCE
Positive Neil
https://www.positiveneil.com/
PERSPECTIVES AND CHOICES
In this posting I will discuss the use of different perspectives, even sitting in a different chair, may open up more choices for better outcomes.
THE MORE OPTIONS THE BETTER
Having one option is no choice, having two is a dilemma, only once you have three or more might you feel you have real choice. Although too much choice may be paralysing.
TOO MANY OPTIONS
Autonomy and Freedom of choice are critical to our well being, and choice is critical to freedom and autonomy. Nonetheless, though modern Americans have more choice than any group of people ever has before, and thus, presumably, more freedom and autonomy, we don't seem to be benefiting from it psychologically.
Schwartz (The Paradox of Choice, 2004) describes that a consumer's strategy for most good decisions will involve these steps:
Step 1) Figure out your goal or goals. The process of goal-setting and decision making begins with the question: What do I want? When faced with the choice to pick a restaurant, a CD, or a movie, one makes their choice based upon how one would expect the experience to make them feel, expected utility. Once they have experienced that particular restaurant, CD or movie, their choice will be based upon a remembered utility. To say that you know what you want, therefore, means that these utilities align. Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues have shown that what we remember about the pleasurable quality of our past experiences is almost entirely determined by two things: how the experiences felt when they were at their peak (best or worst), and how they felt when they ended.
Step 2) Evaluate the importance of each goal. Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky have researched how people make decisions and found a variety of rules of thumb that often lead us astray. Most people give substantial weight to anecdotal evidence, perhaps so much so that it cancels out expert evidence. The researchers called it the availability heuristic describing how we assume that the more available some piece of information is to memory, the more frequently we must have encountered it in the past. Salience will influence the weight we give any particular piece of information.
Step 3) Array the options. Kahneman and Tversky found that personal psychological accounts will produce the effect of framing the choice and determining what options are considered as subjects to factor. For example, an evening at a concert could be just one entry in a much larger account, of say a meeting a potential mate account. Or it could be part of a more general account such as ways to spend a Friday night. Just how much an evening at a concert is worth will depend on which account it is a part of.
Step 4) Evaluate how likely each of the options is to meet your goals. People often talk about how creative accountants can make a corporate balance sheet look as good or bad as they want it to look. In many ways Schwartz views most people as creative accountants when it comes to keeping their own psychological balance sheet.
Step 5) Pick the winning option. Schwartz argues that options are already attached to choices being considered. When the options are not already attached, they are not part of the endowment and choosing them is perceived as a gain. Economist Richard Thaler provides a helpful term sunk costs.
Step 6) Modify goals. Schwartz points out that later, one uses the consequences of their choice to modify their goals, the importance assigned to them, and the way future possibilities are evaluated.
CHOICE AND HAPPINESS.
Schwartz discusses the significance of common research methods that utilize a happiness scale. He sides with the opinion of psychologists David Myers and Robert Lane, who independently conclude that the current abundance of choice often leads to depression and feelings of loneliness. Schwartz draws particular attention to Lane's assertion that Americans are paying for increased affluence and freedom with a substantial decrease in the quality and quantity of community. What was once given by family, neighborhood and workplace now must be achieved and actively cultivated on an individual basis. The social fabric is no longer a birthright but has become a series of deliberated and demanding choices. Schwartz also discusses happiness with specific products. For example, he cites a study by Sheena Iyengar of Columbia University and Mark Lepper of Stanford University who found that when participants were faced with a smaller rather than larger array of jam, they were actually more satisfied with their tasting.
Choice therefore appear to have something to do with control having enough options to feel this is choice but not so many as to overwhelm
IN A RUT (STUCK ON RAILS) OR AT A CROSS ROADS
If you are in a rut because of circumstances, education, culture upbringing etc., you may feel on autopilot or trapped into a journey based on other peoples decisions: rather like a car in a rut or a tram on rails. To actually change direction requires effort (to overcome the rut) or re-engineering (to switch rails and direction)
This is where it is important to be able pause, think, re-evaluate and take action either to make a concerted effort (to break out of the rut) or engineer a switch (to take a different path).
That switch may be based on new perspective (realising a new direction) and new habits (getting used to that path)
If you are at crossroads your choices may be simpler since there is nothing that you have to overcome to take that path it is a simple option with no burden associated with it. Route A or Route B are equally open to you.
The object therefore should be to arrive at our choices without the emotional constraints or self-imposed obligations that pulls us in a direction (Route B) that undermines the freedom to a new direction (Route A)
THE TWO TRAVELERS AND THE FARMER
A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.
What sort of people live in the next town? asked the stranger.
What were the people like where you've come from? replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.
They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels.
Is that so? replied the old farmer. Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.
Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.
Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. What sort of people live in the next town? he asked.
What were the people like where you've come from? replied the farmer once again.
They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them.
Fear not, said the farmer. You'll find the same sort in the next town.
Source: Personal recollection, Idaho, about 1950.
SEEING THINGS FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
In the previous story we can see that people judge others and find in them the characteristics of their judgement, whether good or bad. That judgement comes from within and we need to change that perspective to change how we find the world.
Below I will examine three ways of doing this
NON POLAR THINKJING
This is about reliving an experience three times with great intensity and a good break between each and then reflecting upon the event. In order to be dispassionate about the event it is best described as if it is a story or a movie and the person is the author or director.
The first involves experiencing the memory but only from a visual perspective. Only talking about what is seen and recalling every visual image of that. This is not just about reciting what happened but really observing and describing so that you are totally immersed in the situation. Then taking a break.
The second involves experiencing the memory but only from a auditory perspective. Only talking about what is heard and recalling every sound of that. Again in minute detail. Then taking a break.
The third involves experiencing the memory but only from a kinaesthetic perspective. Only talking about what is felt and recalling every sensation of that. With reference to every part of your body and how it felt then and how it feels now. Then taking a break.
Generally what happens is that the facts of visual perspective and auditory perspective somehow put into context the feelings of the kinaesthetic perspective and people will feel that actually on reflection the feelings were not proportionate to what happened and actually they feel much more in control in retrospect and less troubles by the experience in the future.
An important caveat is that whilst this does work in many circumstances severe trauma of the PTSD type may result not in reflection but a flashback, so this is possibly not good in cases of real trauma.
THREE CHAIRS
A similar approach is also involves reliving an experience three times with great intensity and a good break between each and then reflecting upon the event. This time it involves an element of role pay sitting in the chair of, or standing in the shoes of [1] yourself [2] the other person [3] an bystander or unconnected observer.
Again, as before, the movement from one position (a chair) to another literally separates the perspectives and helps you adopt the persona and feeling of each person as they observe, hear and feel what is happening from each chair.
Chair [1] yourself
Relive the experience with what you observe, hear and feel using I sentences: I feel, I hear, I see, I smell
Chair [2] the other person
Role play the experience with of what they did and said using I , he, she or they sentences: I feel, I hear, I see, I smell but also he or she in response to Chair 1 and what they are doing and saying. As you do this you may feel an appreciation for what the person in Chair 2 may be feeling and how they would react.
Chair [3] a bystander or unconnected observer
Role play the experience as an onlooker using I , he, she or they sentences and observing the words, tone and body language between the people in Chair 1 and Chair 2
As before what happens is that the role play helps understanding from different perspective and helps identify the points where control may be lost or gained, where communication succeeds or fails and with this better understanding the person will feel much more in control in retrospect and less troubles by the experience in the future.
DISSOLVING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Step 1
Think of anything that is bothering you, worrying you, or making you feel sad or fearful. Pick the worst thing you are going through now.
Step 2
As you keep thinking about it, let yourself detect where you feel it in your body. Some people have felt it in their chest, arms, stomach, throat, between their breasts (females), or at the top of their stomach (men store it here a lot). Become aware of where it enters your body.
Step 3
Notice which direction this feeling is moving. It has to move feelings move all the time. For example, I want you to think about being nervous. When a person is nervous, they normally say I have butterflies in my tummy.
Step 4
By now you should be thinking of it, feeling it and know the direction in which it is moving. Now I want you to look at what it is you are seeing in your minds eye. Is it a still picture or a movie? Go to (a) if its a picture and go to (b) if its a movie
(a) If its a picture, place a black border around the edge and move it away from you in your minds eye, shrinking it down to the size of a postcard. Then move it away from you again until its the size of a postage stamp. Then when it is as small as you can make it, take a deep breath and blow it away until you cant see it anymore.
At the very same time as you are doing this, I want you to place your hands on the area of your body where the feelings are. Then push the feelings in your body in the opposite direction. So, for example, if you discovered the feelings were in your lower stomach moving up, you would use your hands to move the feelings downward. As you blow the picture away you should also find you have moved the feeling from your body.
(b) If you see a movie playing, pick the worst part of the movie and freeze it. Now you have a picture and can continue with the technique by following the instructions given above in (a).
Step 5
Test the results of your work. Try to think again about THE SAME THING that was worrying you and see and feel for yourself how remarkably different the experience is now.
No other technique has ever gotten close to removing negative emotions as fast as this one and I give it to you with love and blessing for an amazing life. Never let your body trick you anymore you make the thoughts that create the feelingsand now you can change your feelings about anything in your life.
USEFUL REFERENCES
Schwartz (The Paradox of Choice, 2004)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Paradox_of_Choice
The Two Travelers And The Farmer
https://www.pitt.edu/dash/traveltales.html
Dissolving Negative Emotions
https://www.neilstrauss.com/neil/nlp-technique-quick-release-of-negative-and-self-defeating-emotions/
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
INTENTION AND BEHAVIOUR
In this posting I will discuss the best of intentions and how behaviour needs to be understood from the perspective experience (of the past) and motivation (for the future)
We can because consciously by thoughtful decision, or unconsciously through learned habit (getting dressed or driving to work) or unconsciously through instinct (the fight, flight, freeze or fear response to crisis)
FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE RESPONSE
The fight-flight-freeze response is your bodys natural reaction to danger. Its a type of stress response that helps you react to perceived threats, like an oncoming car or growling dog.
The response instantly causes hormonal and physiological changes. These changes allow you to act quickly so you can protect yourself. Its a survival instinct that our ancient ancestors developed many years ago.
Specifically, fight-or-flight is an active defence response where you fight or flee. Your heart rate gets faster, which increases oxygen flow to your major muscles. Your pain perception drops, and your hearing sharpens. These changes help you act appropriately and rapidly.
Freezing is fight-or-flight on hold, where you further prepare to protect yourself. Its also called reactive immobility or attentive immobility. It involves similar physiological changes, but instead, you stay completely still and get ready for the next move.
Fight-flight-freeze isnt a conscious decision. Its an automatic reaction, so you cant control it
The fight-flight-freeze response can show up in many life situations, including:
slamming on the brakes when the car in front of you suddenly stops
encountering a growling dog while walking outside
jumping out of the way of an oncoming vehicle
getting spooked by someone jumping out of a room
feeling unsafe while walking down a street
CONSCIOUSLY AND LEARNED RESPONSES
In the international bestseller, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman, the renowned psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional (The fight-flight-freeze response) System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical.
We do not however need to think through every experience as if it were our first-time getting dresses, driving or performing other routines. We can move from thoughtful learning to routine and habit which whilst not driven by fight-flight-freeze response nonetheless does by-pass the deliberative and more logical thinking.
This has some advantages: we can do things on auto-pilot and some dis advantages, we may not be giving our full attention to a situation or perhaps become overconfident and, for example, crash the car.
The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacation can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions.
THE FOUR STAGES OF COMPETENCE
The four stages of competence, also known as the four stages of learning, is a model based on the premise that before a learning experience begins, learners are unaware of what or how much they know (unconscious incompetence), and as they learn, they move through four psychological states until they reach a stage of unconscious competence.
By understanding the model, trainers can better identify learning needs and develop learning objectives based on where their target audience is in the four stages related to a given topic.
1. Unconscious Incompetence
In unconscious incompetence, the learner isnt aware that a skill or knowledge gap exists.
2. Conscious Incompetence
In conscious incompetence, the learner is aware of a skill or knowledge gap and understands the importance of acquiring the new skill. Its in this stage that learning can begin.
3. Conscious Competence
In conscious competence, the learner knows how to use the skill or perform the task, but doing so requires practice, conscious thought and hard work.
4. Unconscious Competence
In unconscious competence, the individual has enough experience with the skill that he or she can perform it so easily they do it unconsciously.
This model helps us understand the emotional state of people. For example, a learner in unconscious incompetence will respond differently to training than a learner in conscious incompetence. If someone doesnt know theres a problem, he or she is less likely to engage in the solution. On the other hand, if someone is in conscious competence, he or she may just need additional practice rather than training.
THE EXPERIENCE WE HAVE AND THE ROLES WE PLAY
We may have different experiences in life with each role that we play: As a son or daughter, as a partner or lover as a parent or grandparent we accumulate different experiences and have different levels of expertise.
A senior manager with significant skills and experience, confidence and expertise may be at a complete loss when they become a parent for the first time. A strong athlete with a tough mindset may be floored by an illness.
The roles we create and fulfil and the experiences we accumulate and the habits we follow may not always best serve us in different context. In these circumstances our response although appropriate in one context is not in another and although well intended may not have the desired effect or outcome.
These role may exist as different parts of us all at the same time. Just as you can be a son, father and spouse all at the same time, you may well be a responsible boss, playful child, supportive parent and possibly many other roles. Some of these roles may be in conflict with each-other.
All these people need to get along within us like a happy family. The difference between functional and dysfunctional families are
Good boundaries does each person have their own space which is recognised and respected
Accepted roles does each person have an accepted role and does this fit with everyone elses roles and expectations
Good communication is each person able to communicate and feel valued and understood
We need to achieve these within the family unit but also within the inner-family of roles we have for ourselves. It is important that we can be childlike, adult and parental and move freely between these roles at the appropriate time.
To loose our inner child would be to loose some of the innocence and wonder we have for the world. But to let that inner child select our response or make critical decisions to complex problems may not be the right thing to do. The result, though well intended, may not be the best for the situation and have a bad impact and outcome.
BEHAVIOURS AND INTENTIONS
We can see that the roles we play, the experiences we have, the instincts and learned habits will all have an impact on our behaviours.
Examples
Situation: An unexpected phone call when we are tired
Intention: Get rid of the caller
Behaviour: Rude and abrupt on the phone
Situation: Feeling lonely or unloved or unworthy
Intention: Avoid rejection or a failed relationship
Behaviour: Cautious and defensive, ironically undermining a good relationship
Situation: Feeling anxious or threatened
Intention: Be defensive to repel attack
Behaviour: Aggressive, ironically making others uncomfortable and unagreeable
STOP AND REFRAME
To overcome the dysfunctional situation, intention behaviour patterns above we need to engage System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical thinking and re-frame the situation based on the present moment rather than the thoughts and fears that are in our head.
Reframing is when an undesirable behaviour or trait is conferred a positive intention. Alternatives to satisfy the positive intent are found, followed by negotiations with (parts of) self to resolve conflict, check for ecology and to implement the new behaviour. Reframing can also be used to describe changing the context or representation of a problem.
The content or meaning of a situation is determined by what you choose to focus on. An electrical power failure can be viewed as disruptive, a major disaster given all you have to get done. Or it can be viewed as an opportunity to spend some intimate time with your spouse or to have fun with your children finding innovative ways to manage the situation.
Context framing is giving another meaning to a statement by changing the context you first found it in. You literally take the problem to another place where it doesnt mean the same thing anymore. A context reframe leaves the meaning of the behaviour the same and shows how the meaning will appear different when placed somewhere else.
A: I am too pushy.B: Content reframe: How can you use that on yourself to get more done in the day and not worry about anyone else! B: Context reframe: Compared to who, Hitler?
One word reframes
Spontaneous -> Unpredictable
Funny -> Childish
Confident -> Arrogant
Imaginative -> Undisciplined
Generous -> Spendthrift
Outgoing -> Exhibitionist
Reframing is about having a conversation with yourself and choosing a different response based on a new perspective or chosen perception.
BE THE DIRECTOR AND THE ACTOR FOR YOUR OWN LIFE
Sometimes things are best seen as a spectator from the crowd rather than a player on the pitch. You get a broader view of the situation, context and options. But it is actually the person on the pitch that has the control, makes the decisions and achieves the outcome.
We need to be on the pitch and in the crowd and switch between those two positions or roles sufficient for one to be able to help the other.
A similar analogy would be between a movie director and movie actor. Both are essential to the outcome for the scene, with the former giving directions to the latter and the actor offering feedback in a conversation that seeks to make the scene the best it can possibly be.
All this needs to happen in our head, and if it is not instinctive or practiced we need to plan ahead or slow down in order for the essential conversations to be had between Director and Actor (or Spectator and Player)
Here are the elements
Understanding The Scene
What is happening? What is the context?
The Actor / Player
This is my situation, how I see it, how I feel it, how I hear it.
The Director / Spectator
This is how I perceive it from my perspective at a distance
The Discussion
What is the intended outcome? What needs to happen or change to make that possible?
The Options
The Director/Spectator may come up with a number of options for the Actor / Player to try and the Actor / Player may identify which of these will be easiest and most authentic to themselves.
The Behaviour
The Actor / Player then performs with the benefit of more options and perspectives than if they had not paused for thought.
It may seem implausible to go thought that type of internal dialogue or appraisal, but is this rehash, reappraisal, reflection is actually part of what we do when we sleep, day-dream or meditate.
It takes real skill to do this in the present or in the moment and something that may be more easily be achieved with practice and rehearsal. Nonetheless if we understand intentions and can be resourceful about choices we can behaviour in a way that achieves the desired result and outcome without unintended consequences.
USEFUL REFERENCES
fight-flight-freeze response
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze
The Four Stages of Competence
https://trainingindustry.com/wiki/strategy-alignment-and-planning/the-four-stages-of-competence/
Reframing
https://www.nlpworld.co.uk/nlp-glossary/c/content-reframe/
Context framing
https://www.nlpworld.co.uk/nlp-glossary/c/context-reframe/
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
LANGUAGE AND EXPERIENCE, MENUS AND MEALS
In this posting I will discuss a well-worn phrase The Map is not the Territory and explain as a similar simpler a menu is not the same as a meal.
WORDS AND MEANINGS
We use words to describe experiences of the past or anticipated in the future. But they are not the experience itself, just like a menu is not a meal and a map is not the territory.
One interesting concept is our ability to experience the future: to have an emotional response to something that has not happened and may never happen. This is the tragedy of fear and anxiety it consumes energy over nothing whereas the reality if experienced may be very different indeed possibly very positive.
Fear can be False Evidence Appearing Real (When our thoughts scare us. )
A comical statement illuminating this theme has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Winston Churchill: I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
SAME WORDS DIFFERENCE MEANINGS
Words can have different meanings in different contexts, and invoke different feelings on people depending on their experience, education, culture and upbringing.
A comical example is if someones response to How are you? is Im Fine the word has ambiguous meaning and can be interpreted as being positively OK, evasive or barely OK. Fine can mean Feeling Insecure Neurotic and Emotional.
Your idea and experience of happy, sad, hurt, loved, exhausted or energised may be very different from my idea and experience of the same things. You may love the great outdoors I may suffer from agoraphobia. I find running energising you may find it exhausting.
This phrase summarises different perspectives on the same thing: Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
If the same words mean different things to different people in different circumstances we can see that communication is often open to errors and misunderstanding. Is it any wonder that we substantially rely on something other than words for our communication. The belief is that 55 of communication is body language, 38 is the tone of voice, and 7 is the actual words spoken.
ENCODING AND DECODING
Encoding/decoding is the translation of a message that is easily understood. Encoding is the process of taking a thought in your head, attaching meaning to it, finding a word to describe that meaning and then going through the complex but instinctive process of saying that word.
When you decode a message, you extract the meaning of that message in ways that make sense to you.
Decoding has both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication: Decoding behavior without using words means observing body language and its associated emotions. For example, some body language signs for when someone is upset, angry, or stressed would be a use of excessive hand/arm movements, red in the face, crying, and even sometimes silence. Sometimes when someone is trying to get a message across to someone, the message can be interpreted differently from person to person. Decoding is all about the understanding of what someone already knows, based on the information given throughout the message being received. Whether there is a large audience or exchanging a message to one person, decoding is the process of obtaining, absorbing, understanding, and sometimes using the information that was given throughout a verbal or non-verbal message.
BREAKING THE ENIGMA
To avoid errors and misunderstanding we need to avoid interpreting what people say based on our own experience, education, culture and upbringing and try and understand what is being said from their perspective, with their values and beliefs, hopes and fears. If we can do that then people will feel listened to and heard and understood, which is essential to good communication.
In NLP we refer to two mental maps
First, the sensory based map which is the internal representation of what we see, hear, taste and smell moment to moment
Second, the linguistic representation of the sensory based map.
There are three potential problems
1. Distortion - The process of representing parts of the model differently than how they were originally represented e.g process to event (we cannot find the right words to express our thoughts)
2. Generalisation - The way a specific experience (or number of experiences) is mapped to represent the complete category of which it is a member (we were not specific about what we were referring to)
3. Deletion - Where portions of the mental map are omitted and do not appear in the verbal expression (we did not say what was on our mind)
EXAMPLES OF DISTORTIONS
Here are some excellent examples take from Michael Carroll (founder and course director of the NLP Academy and co-founder with John Grinder and Carmen Bostic St Clair of the International Trainers Academy of NLP)
MIND READING
Claiming to know the thoughts, feelings, intentions, meanings, motivations, or other internal processes of another person - with no basis in reasonable, logical grounds for interpretation or direct, sensory observation.
Examples
I know you dont like me?I know you are curiousI know you are sad?
There is an obvious distortion in the sentences above as the speaker has no evidence in deep structure for the statement. To challenge the coach asks the speaker to specify their evidence for the hallucination
Challenge: How do you know I am ...
LOST PERFORMATIVE
Value judgement where the performer of the judgement is not stated. The speaker expresses the statement as a generalisation true for the world. (Good/bad etc)
Examples
Its bad to be inconsistentIts rude to be loudIts good to be timely
The distortion, has no evidence, its frequently based on family or cultural filter. To break the distortion the NLP Practitioner asks the speaker to specify evidence for their statement
Challenge: According to whom? Who says so? How do you know?
CAUSE EFFECT PATTERN
The implication or direct claim that one thing causes, or is caused by, another when there is no well-formed logical support or demonstrable, sensory-based evidence to support a causal connection.
Examples
You make me sad?People talking at once causes me anxiety?
Cause effect can only exist in mechanical systems, there is no cause effect in biological system. There is nothing anyone or anything can do to affect your internal state, the distortion here is, its our response to the external stimuli, not the stimuli itself. The meta Model challenge is designed for the speaker to access resources and have a different response, and thus choice.
Challenge: How specifically does people talking at once cause you to choose anxiety ?Or offer a counter example
COMPLEX EQUIVALENCE PATTERN
Statements where complex situations, ideas, objects or their meanings are equated as synonymous.
Examples
You always yell at me means you dont like me. Hes a man, he is lucky
The statements above are highly distorted the speaker is creating meaning by linking two unrelated components. The meta model question is designed to break the equivalence and recover choice.
How specifically does my yelling mean I dont like you? Has someone ever yelled at someone you liked?
PRESUPPOSITIONS
Presuppositions are the linguistic equivalent of assumptions.To make sense of a sentence the listener and/or speaker accept the presuppositions/assumptions as being true. Presuppositions are the distorted assumptions inherent in natural language.
Examples
If My husband knew how much I suffered he wouldnt act that way
Presuppositions in the sentence
She suffers Her husband acts in some way Her husband does not know she suffers
You can use any Meta Model pattern to challenge the distortions that are present assumptions in language .
How do you choose to suffer? Recovers choice.How specifically is he acting? Specifies the verb.How do you know he doesnt know? Challenges the mind read
EXAMPLES OF GENERALISATIONS
When we have an unhappy experience or one we describe as bad, we are afraid that it will happen again. We come to believe that a single experience can represent an absolute truth. Generalisations of this kind are known in NLP as universal quantifiers and involve the use of words such as all, never, always, everyone and no-one.
Examples might be: It always rains in Devon All Yorkshiremen are rude Women always behave like that All men ever think about is sex Journalists are evil Politicians are all in it for themselves Americans think they know it all The British are stuck up.
More considered thinking would provide better alternatives, but these words eliminate better choices.
When they are analysed, it is clear that such generalisations are untrue, yet they can be the cause of great bitterness and division between individuals and in society generally.If you catch yourself speaking or thinking in this way, pause for a moment and think about it.
Question yourself in this way: Always? Never? Every? What stops you? What happens if you do? Imagine you could what then?Consider how you might be limiting the alternatives that are open to you. Think carefully about what is possible and what is impossible.
EXAMPLES OF DELETIONS
A simple deletion is one with missing or insufficient information:I have been travellingQuestions to ask: Where have you been travelling? When did you travel? How did you travel? Were you alone or with another or others?ListenQuestion to ask: To what?You are so goodQuestions to ask: At what? How do you know I am so good?I dont knowQuestions to ask: Dont know what? How do you know you dont know?I hurt my armQuestions to ask: Which arm? How did you hurt it?
DELETION AND LACK OF REFERENTIAL INDEX
She is not likedQuestions to ask: Who precisely is not liked? By whom is she not liked? How do you know she is not liked?They arrived lateQuestions to ask: Who arrived late? How late?
COMPARATIVE DELETIONS
It is important to state what is being compared. Advertisers are very good at comparative deletions.
He is better than I am Questions to ask: Who is better than you? How is he better than you? At what is he better than you?
ABC washing powder is 50 better Question to ask: Better than what?
Z vacuum cleaner is more efficient Question to ask: More efficient than what?
UNSPECIFIED VERB
It is causing problems at work Questions to ask: What is? How specifically? What sort of problems? Whose work? How do you know?
NOMINALISATIONS
This occurs where a verb has been turned into a thing or an object so meaning is lost.I need more respect (You cannot pick up respect physically or put it in an envelope or a box. )
Questions to ask: From whom? How would you know if you had it? How do you know you dont have it already?
CONCLUSION
We would not want to analyse and challenge everything that is said in this way. Nonetheless If we can understand the specifics and meanings of what people say then they will feel listened to and heard and understood, which is essential to good communication.
USEFUL REFERENCES
An overview of the Meta Model and explanation of the five distortion categories
https://www.nlpacademy.co.uk/articles/view/An_overview_of_the_Meta_Model_and_explanation_of_the_5_distortion_categorie/
NLP Language Patterns
https://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-and-nlp.com/NLP-Language-Patterns-Deletion.html
https://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-and-nlp.com/NLP-Language-Patterns-Distortion.html
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
WORDS AND MEANINGS
We use words to describe experiences of the past or anticipated in the future. But they are not the experience itself, just like a menu is not a meal and a map is not the territory.
One interesting concept is our ability to experience the future: to have an emotional response to something that has not happened and may never happen. This is the tragedy of fear and anxiety it consumes energy over nothing whereas the reality if experienced may be very different indeed possibly very positive.
Fear can be False Evidence Appearing Real (When our thoughts scare us. )
A comical statement illuminating this theme has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Winston Churchill: I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
SAME WORDS DIFFERENCE MEANINGS
Words can have different meanings in different contexts, and invoke different feelings on people depending on their experience, education, culture and upbringing.
A comical example is if someones response to How are you? is Im Fine the word has ambiguous meaning and can be interpreted as being positively OK, evasive or barely OK. Fine can mean Feeling Insecure Neurotic and Emotional.
Your idea and experience of happy, sad, hurt, loved, exhausted or energised may be very different from my idea and experience of the same things. You may love the great outdoors I may suffer from agoraphobia. I find running energising you may find it exhausting.
This phrase summarises different perspectives on the same thing: Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
If the same words mean different things to different people in different circumstances we can see that communication is often open to errors and misunderstanding. Is it any wonder that we substantially rely on something other than words for our communication. The belief is that 55 of communication is body language, 38 is the tone of voice, and 7 is the actual words spoken.
ENCODING AND DECODING
Encoding/decoding is the translation of a message that is easily understood. Encoding is the process of taking a thought in your head, attaching meaning to it, finding a word to describe that meaning and then going through the complex but instinctive process of saying that word.
When you decode a message, you extract the meaning of that message in ways that make sense to you.
Decoding has both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication: Decoding behavior without using words means observing body language and its associated emotions. For example, some body language signs for when someone is upset, angry, or stressed would be a use of excessive hand/arm movements, red in the face, crying, and even sometimes silence. Sometimes when someone is trying to get a message across to someone, the message can be interpreted differently from person to person. Decoding is all about the understanding of what someone already knows, based on the information given throughout the message being received. Whether there is a large audience or exchanging a message to one person, decoding is the process of obtaining, absorbing, understanding, and sometimes using the information that was given throughout a verbal or non-verbal message.
BREAKING THE ENIGMA
To avoid errors and misunderstanding we need to avoid interpreting what people say based on our own experience, education, culture and upbringing and try and understand what is being said from their perspective, with their values and beliefs, hopes and fears. If we can do that then people will feel listened to and heard and understood, which is essential to good communication.
In NLP we refer to two mental maps
First, the sensory based map which is the internal representation of what we see, hear, taste and smell moment to moment
Second, the linguistic representation of the sensory based map.
There are three potential problems
1. Distortion - The process of representing parts of the model differently than how they were originally represented e.g process to event (we cannot find the right words to express our thoughts)
2. Generalisation - The way a specific experience (or number of experiences) is mapped to represent the complete category of which it is a member (we were not specific about what we were referring to)
3. Deletion - Where portions of the mental map are omitted and do not appear in the verbal expression (we did not say what was on our mind)
EXAMPLES OF DISTORTIONS
Here are some excellent examples take from Michael Carroll (founder and course director of the NLP Academy and co-founder with John Grinder and Carmen Bostic St Clair of the International Trainers Academy of NLP)
MIND READING
Claiming to know the thoughts, feelings, intentions, meanings, motivations, or other internal processes of another person - with no basis in reasonable, logical grounds for interpretation or direct, sensory observation.
Examples
I know you dont like me?I know you are curiousI know you are sad?
There is an obvious distortion in the sentences above as the speaker has no evidence in deep structure for the statement. To challenge the coach asks the speaker to specify their evidence for the hallucination
Challenge: How do you know I am ...
LOST PERFORMATIVE
Value judgement where the performer of the judgement is not stated. The speaker expresses the statement as a generalisation true for the world. (Good/bad etc)
Examples
Its bad to be inconsistentIts rude to be loudIts good to be timely
The distortion, has no evidence, its frequently based on family or cultural filter. To break the distortion the NLP Practitioner asks the speaker to specify evidence for their statement
Challenge: According to whom? Who says so? How do you know?
CAUSE EFFECT PATTERN
The implication or direct claim that one thing causes, or is caused by, another when there is no well-formed logical support or demonstrable, sensory-based evidence to support a causal connection.
Examples
You make me sad?People talking at once causes me anxiety?
Cause effect can only exist in mechanical systems, there is no cause effect in biological system. There is nothing anyone or anything can do to affect your internal state, the distortion here is, its our response to the external stimuli, not the stimuli itself. The meta Model challenge is designed for the speaker to access resources and have a different response, and thus choice.
Challenge: How specifically does people talking at once cause you to choose anxiety ?Or offer a counter example
COMPLEX EQUIVALENCE PATTERN
Statements where complex situations, ideas, objects or their meanings are equated as synonymous.
Examples
You always yell at me means you dont like me. Hes a man, he is lucky
The statements above are highly distorted the speaker is creating meaning by linking two unrelated components. The meta model question is designed to break the equivalence and recover choice.
How specifically does my yelling mean I dont like you? Has someone ever yelled at someone you liked?
PRESUPPOSITIONS
Presuppositions are the linguistic equivalent of assumptions.To make sense of a sentence the listener and/or speaker accept the presuppositions/assumptions as being true. Presuppositions are the distorted assumptions inherent in natural language.
Examples
If My husband knew how much I suffered he wouldnt act that way
Presuppositions in the sentence
She suffers Her husband acts in some way Her husband does not know she suffers
You can use any Meta Model pattern to challenge the distortions that are present assumptions in language .
How do you choose to suffer? Recovers choice.How specifically is he acting? Specifies the verb.How do you know he doesnt know? Challenges the mind read
EXAMPLES OF GENERALISATIONS
When we have an unhappy experience or one we describe as bad, we are afraid that it will happen again. We come to believe that a single experience can represent an absolute truth. Generalisations of this kind are known in NLP as universal quantifiers and involve the use of words such as all, never, always, everyone and no-one.
Examples might be: It always rains in Devon All Yorkshiremen are rude Women always behave like that All men ever think about is sex Journalists are evil Politicians are all in it for themselves Americans think they know it all The British are stuck up.
More considered thinking would provide better alternatives, but these words eliminate better choices.
When they are analysed, it is clear that such generalisations are untrue, yet they can be the cause of great bitterness and division between individuals and in society generally.If you catch yourself speaking or thinking in this way, pause for a moment and think about it.
Question yourself in this way: Always? Never? Every? What stops you? What happens if you do? Imagine you could what then?Consider how you might be limiting the alternatives that are open to you. Think carefully about what is possible and what is impossible.
EXAMPLES OF DELETIONS
A simple deletion is one with missing or insufficient information:I have been travellingQuestions to ask: Where have you been travelling? When did you travel? How did you travel? Were you alone or with another or others?ListenQuestion to ask: To what?You are so goodQuestions to ask: At what? How do you know I am so good?I dont knowQuestions to ask: Dont know what? How do you know you dont know?I hurt my armQuestions to ask: Which arm? How did you hurt it?
DELETION AND LACK OF REFERENTIAL INDEX
She is not likedQuestions to ask: Who precisely is not liked? By whom is she not liked? How do you know she is not liked?They arrived lateQuestions to ask: Who arrived late? How late?
COMPARATIVE DELETIONS
It is important to state what is being compared. Advertisers are very good at comparative deletions.
He is better than I am Questions to ask: Who is better than you? How is he better than you? At what is he better than you?
ABC washing powder is 50 better Question to ask: Better than what?
Z vacuum cleaner is more efficient Question to ask: More efficient than what?
UNSPECIFIED VERB
It is causing problems at work Questions to ask: What is? How specifically? What sort of problems? Whose work? How do you know?
NOMINALISATIONS
This occurs where a verb has been turned into a thing or an object so meaning is lost.I need more respect (You cannot pick up respect physically or put it in an envelope or a box. )
Questions to ask: From whom? How would you know if you had it? How do you know you dont have it already?
CONCLUSION
We would not want to analyse and challenge everything that is said in this way. Nonetheless If we can understand the specifics and meanings of what people say then they will feel listened to and heard and understood, which is essential to good communication.
USEFUL REFERENCES
An overview of the Meta Model and explanation of the five distortion categories
https://www.nlpacademy.co.uk/articles/view/An_overview_of_the_Meta_Model_and_explanation_of_the_5_distortion_categorie/
NLP Language Patterns
https://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-and-nlp.com/NLP-Language-Patterns-Deletion.html
https://www.the-secret-of-mindpower-and-nlp.com/NLP-Language-Patterns-Distortion.html
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
FAILURE FEEDBACK CHUNKING AND LEARNING
In this posting I will discuss how to review failures as feedback, understand how to chunk problems and build learning.
FAILURE AND FEEDBACK
Most of us are not prepared to deal with failure. And its perfectly understandable. Most of us grew up with the notion that failure is unacceptable. Even when we were kids, we were taught to love success and despise failure. However, not all failure can be negative. In fact, some experts say there is no failure just feedback. What does this mean? It means that you can actually use failure as feedback so that you will get up again and eventually achieve your goals in life.
Its important that we pursue our dreams and that we really embrace failures. Because thats what it is going to take to really put ourselves out there and be all that we can be. Using failure as feedback can be a very powerful way to steer into reaching our dreams and goals in life. One thing that you can do to fix your eyes on success is to put in mind that there is no such thing as failure just feedback.
PLAN DO CHECK ACT
PDCA (plandocheckact or plandocheckadjust) is an iterative four-step management method used in business for the control and continuous improvement of processes and products. It is also known as the Deming circle/cycle/wheel.
Feedback happens at the CHECK phase and what we do about it at the ACT phase.
Step 1) Plan = Establish objectives and processes required to deliver the desired results.
Step 2) Do = The do phase allows the plan from the previous step to be done. Small changes are usually tested, and data is gathered to see how effective the change is.
Step 3) Check = During the check phase, the data and results gathered from the do phase are evaluated. Data are compared to the expected outcomes to see any similarities and differences. The testing process is also evaluated to see if there were any changes from the original test created during the planning phase.
Step 4) Act = Also called Adjust, this act phase is where a process is improved. Records from the do and check phases help identify issues with the process. These issues may include problems, non-conformities, opportunities for improvement, inefficiencies and other issues that result in outcomes that are evidently less-than-optimal. Root causes of such issues are investigated, found and eliminated by modifying the process. Risk is re-evaluated. At the end of the actions in this phase, the process has better instructions, standards or goals. Planning for the next cycle can proceed with a better base-line. Work in the next do phase should not create recurrence of the identified issues if it does, then the action was not effective.
Planning for the next cycle can proceed with a better base-line. Work in the next do phase should not create recurrence of the identified issues if it does, then the action was not effective. Nothing here is personal, it is simply fact based, what worked, what did not work, and on the basis of what we now know, what should we do differently next time.
OODA LOOP
The OODA loop (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) is a similar four-step approach to decision-making that focuses on filtering available information, putting it in context and quickly making the most appropriate decision while also understanding that changes can be made as more data becomes available. The strategy is applicable at an individual level as well as an organizational level. It is particularly useful in scenarios where competition is involved and where the ability to react to changing circumstances faster than an opponent leads to an advantage.
Many modern environments can be described as volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous, or VUCA. Surviving and winning in this type of situation rests upon making better decisions. However, improving the quality of decision-making is something most organizations fail to do. For example, if a company continues to make choices that do not see a positive return, they are failing to learn from their experiences. The OODA loop acknowledges this habit and provides an approach help make improvements.
Now applied to a variety of fields, the OODA loop was developed in the mid-20th century by the military strategist, US Air Force Colonel John Boyd. It was initially used to train solders to make time-sensitive decisions rapidly when there may not be time to gather all the information. The goal of the strategy was to execute the OODA loop process more quickly than an opponent in order to infiltrate and disrupt the enemys decision cycle.
Before the OODA loop can be fully understood, a few related concepts need to be introduced:
Item a) Maneuver warfare- This is a strategy used in the military that emphasizes disrupting the enemys decision-making skills in order to defeat them. Maneuver warfare revolves around the ideas of surprise and deception. The concept of the OODA loop was derived from the strategy of maneuver warfare.
Item b) Mental models- These are representations or explanations of human behavior that exist on a personal, internal level. A person can generate a mental model in order to understand their thought processes, decisions and consequences. Mental models are a part of the orientation step of the OODA loop
Item c) Situational awareness- This is the comprehension of all environmental stimuli. It involves perceiving all components of a situation, understanding what they mean and using them to make future judgements. Achieving situational awareness is crucial for most decision-making processes, including the OODA loop.
Item d) Reaction time- This refers to the time that elapses between a stimulus and the response given to that stimulus. A primary goal in the OODA loop is to minimize an individual or organizations reaction time.
How the OODA Loop works: The Four Steps
Similar to other problem-solving methods, the OODA loop is an interactive, iterative process that entails repeating the cycle, observing and measuring results, reviewing and revising the initial decision and advancing to the next step. While the process is not always simple or linear, the four separate steps involved are:
STEP 1) Observe: The first step is to identify the problem or threat and gain an overall understanding of the internal and external environment. In the corporate world, this can be equated to data gathering, where all of the information regarding the current organizational state, any competitors and the market is collected. The key point about the observe step is recognizing that the world is complex. All data is a snapshot in time and must be treated as such. Therefore, entities must gather whatever information is available as quickly as possible in order to be prepared to make decisions based on it.
STEP 2) Orient: The orientation phase involves reflecting on what has been found during observations and considering what should be done next. It requires a significant level of situational awareness and understanding in order to make a conscious decision. Since some decisions are unconscious, or instinctual, this step involves considering what and why decisions are made prior to choosing a course of action. When applied on an individual level, the orientation step can be done by creating mental models or mental rehearsal drills to place information into narratives that shape judgement.
STEP 3) Decide: The decision phase makes suggestions towards an action or response plan, taking into consideration all of the potential outcomes. This can be accomplished through meetings or discussions that are focused around creating a roadmap for the entire organization.
STEP 4) Act: Action pertains to carrying out the decision and related changes that need to be made in response to the decision. This step may also include any testing that is required before officially carrying out an action, such as compatibility or A/B testing.
These phases have been broken out for the purposes of explanation, but in some real world scenarios they might happen in a fraction of a second.
DISASSOCIATING (DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY)
If you dissociate, you may feel disconnected from yourself and the world around you. For example, you may feel detached from your body or feel as though the world around you is unreal. ... Dissociation is one way the mind copes with too much stress, such as during a traumatic event.
Sometimes when it comes to failure or feedback it is good to dissociate so that you do not feel anxious or threatened but instead feel like you are watching yourself like an actor in a play. This allows you to watch and learn without feeling emotional.
Dissociation can be the relationship you have with a memory (as opposed to and event) When a memory is so upsetting that you are unable to work then you may feel stuck inside the emotion and story of the problem and you want to break state so that you can start change work.
If you can watch a set of circumstances (or reflect on a memory) as if you were a spectator (or perhaps the movie director telling the actor what to do) then you are in a far stronger position to take objective and calculated decisions to improve the outcome without anxiety.
BREAKING IT DOWN INTO CHUNKS
Chunking refers to an approach for making more efficient use of short-term memory by grouping information. Chunking breaks up long strings of information into units or chunks. The resulting chunks are easier to commit to memory than a longer uninterrupted string of information.
Imagine I asked to you memorise the following..
NASABBCITVCNNKGBCIA
Imagine I asked to you memorise the following..
NASA
BBC
ITV
CNN
KGB
CIA
Sometimes by breaking things into chunks it is easier to member then. Typically people remember phone numbers as groups so 07797-766-534 rather than 07797766534
The NASA, BBC, ITV, CNN, KGB, CIA became easier to remember when split into chucks but also because they have a meaning, a memory for us. They are not random letters but say something about an organisation and may mean something personal to you.
Breaking things down into detail and examining the meaning behind each element can be really useful. We become like Sherlock Holmes looking at the big picture, but then breaking down into smaller elements to understand the significance, meaning and any issues with each.
So, for example when discussing flowers maybe you want to chunk-down to red flowers, or maybe chunk-down to roses, or chunk-down to roses in bud. This can help pin-point misunderstandings in plans, decisions and conversations and quickly correct and remedy assumptions like buying Lilies on Valentines Day!
It is important to understand whether people talk in big chunks of generalisations (I want flowers) or small chunks of detail (a particular flower) since different people see the world in different levels of detail depending on what interests them.
Some people may refer to a red car, whereas others will refer to the make, model, specification and year.
This is an important factor in communication, conversation and alignment to achieve the outcomes we want and learn quickly from failure and feedback.
USEFUL REFERENCES
OODA-loop
https://searchcio.techtarget.com/definition/OODA-loop
Dissociation
https://www.nlpworld.co.uk/nlp-glossary/d/dissociated/
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
ASKING QUESTIONS TO GET ANSWERS AND OUTCOMES
In this posting I will discuss how to ask questions to get answers and desired outcomes.
ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
The Socratic method, is a form of cooperative argumentative dialogue between individuals, based on asking and answering questions to stimulate critical thinking and to draw out ideas and underlying presuppositions.
The Socratic method searches for general commonly held truths that shape beliefs and scrutinizes them to determine their consistency with other views. The basic form is a series of questions formulated as tests of logic and fact intended to help a person or group discover their beliefs about some topic exploring definitions, and seeking to characterize general characteristics shared by various particular instances.
By asking the right questions we not only get better answers, but also the passion and engagement that leads to better outcomes.
DEFINING THE OUTCOME
With good questions you should be able to achieve a much clearer understanding of the objective, steps and intended outcome.
There are lots of models to help us define outcomes.
DEFINING SMART OBJECTIVES
S specific
Be specific! Theres no use in setting a generic goal because it wont suit you personally, however if you adapt the goal to apply to what you need, then it will be much more valuable to you. Of course you want to prosper in your field of work, but isnt everyone in the office thinking the same?
M measureable
Is it quantifiable? For instance going back to the example objective of selling more, you can measure this by the amount of units sold. Being a measurable goal allows you to identify when exactly it has been reached, i.e. what you desire as the end result.
A achievable
The point of a target is to challenge and motivate yourself to complete a piece of work, if you was to set your target too high it can cause stress and so decreasing the chance of your target actually being within reach. Likewise if a target was too easy will inhibit you from pushing yourself and doing more. Setting yourself a reasonable target is crucial!
R realistic
Im going to own a multimillion pound enterprise by the end of the month Might be a tad too ambitious, dont get me wrong ambition is a leading trait, but maybe start off with something more realistic, remember all successful business people dont just become successful overnight.
T time bound
Deadlines. Not something we like, but something most of us need. Especially if youre someone like me, who tends to procrastinate. For example, if youre sat at your desk knowing you have work to do, its easy to get lost in the world of the internet looking at cute animal photos or funny videos, but what if you were to say Right, by 2 oclock I want to have completed then youve just motivated yourself to complete a job by an allotted time.
GROWTH OBJECTIVES
There are four key steps in GROW coaching: G-oals, R-eality, O-ptions and W-ill. With a few powerful coaching questions, a leader or coach can quickly raise awareness and responsibility in each area:
G: goals and aspirations
R: current situation, internal and external obstacles
O: possibilities, strengths and resources
W: actions and accountability
The key is to set a Goal which is inspiring and challenging, not just SMART (specific, measurable and achievable in a realistic time frame). Then move flexibly through the other stages, including revisiting the goal if necessary. The final Will element is the barometer of success. It converts the initial desire and intention into successful action.
Exploring and defining the GOAL
What would you like to work on?
What would you like to have after answering this set of questions (eg, a first step/strategy/solution)?
What is your goal related to this issue?
When are you going to achieve it?
What are the benefits for you in achieving this goal?
Who else will benefit and in what way?
What will it be like if you achieve your goal?
What will you see/hear/feel?
Exploring and defining the REALITY
What action have you taken so far?
What is moving you toward your goal?
What is getting in the way?
Exploring and defining the OPTIONS
What different kind of options do you have to achieve your goal?
What else could you do?
What are the principal advantages and disadvantages of each option?
Exploring and defining the WILL
Which options will you choose to act on?
When are you going to start each action?
How committed are you, on a scale of 110, to taking each of these actions?
If it is not a 10, what would make it a 10?
What will you commit to doing? (Note: It is also an option to do nothing and review at a later date.)
The GROW approach promotes confidence and self-motivation, leading to increased productivity and personal satisfaction.
CHOOSE POSITIVE FUTURE FOCUSSED GOALS
Towards is defined as a focus on achieving goals, while its opposite Away From is defined as a focus on avoiding problems. It is important to know how people are motivated.
Moving away from people want to avoid a certain situation. They dont want to experience loss or discomfort and want to move away from something. They are moving away from pain, motivated by avoiding pain. Moving away from people will focus on telling you what they dont want.
Moving towards people always strive to achieve an outcome they want to move towards something. They focus on what they will get when the outcome is achieved. They are moving towards pleasure, motivated by gaining pleasure. Moving towards people will focus on telling you what they do want.
Pay close attention to the language you are hearing. Generally, for affirmations and future goals the Moving towards is possibly the best way to think about future outcomes.
UNDERSTANDING THE IMPLICATIONS AND OBLIGATIONS
Both SMART and GROW models include within them an indication of the effort involved. It is important to be clear about the impact on you and others with your goals.
Ecology is important in considering outcomes in order to ensure that the impact of achieving the outcome is positive for the individual and that achieving it is congruent with the overall goals and desired code of conduct of the individual. Also that the impact on others is positive for them.
Doing an ecology check is checking the consequences of your future actions and plans.
In order to do a full ecology check:
Think as if you are in the future
What are the wider consequences of my action?
What will I lose if I make this change?
What extra will I have to do?
Is it worth it?
What will I gain if I make this change?
What is the price of making this change and am I willing to pay it?
What are the good aspects of the present state?
How can I keep those good aspects while making the change that I want?
How will my change affect others?
Does it go against any of their values?
Does this matter?
How will they react?
WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK, SMELL, FEEL, TASTE, SOUND LIKE
The above (Think as if you are in the future ) focussed questions are useful for us to fully appreciate and anticipate and plan for success. Knowing what does success Look, Smell, Feel, Taste, Sound like helps us look for it, spot it, recognise it, and celebrate it.
HAVING A STRATEGY
With the SMART and/or GROW methods you have a clear understanding of the outcome. With that clarity the daily, weekly, monthly habits and milestones become easy to articulate.Here are the three methods to chunk down goals into steps
Chunk Down Goals by Time
Chunk Down Goals by Quantity
Chunk Down Goals by Actionable Steps
Chunk Down Goals by Time
Many other goals can be chunked down by time, including the following:Manage stress by meditating for 15 minutes a day Master the piano by practicing for 40 minutes a day Get organized by decluttering for 10 minutes a day.
Chunk Down Goals by Quantity
A second method you can use to chunk down goals is by quantity for example reading 50 pagers per day. Writing is something else that can easily be chunked down by setting a quota. Other examples of chunking down a goal by quantity include the following: Learn to draw by doing one drawing a day for a year Learn French by learning 10 words in French a day for 100 days Improve your tennis game by hitting 300 balls every day.
Chunk Down Goals by Actionable Steps
When youre not sure how to achieve a goal, the way to chunk it down is by creating a list of actionable steps. For example, to decorate your home there may be an obvious sequence of things to do starting with building and structural work, electrical and plumbing, paint and decorate and finally furnish.
As noted at the start with good questions you should be able to achieve a much clearer understanding of the objective, steps and intended outcome.
USEFUL REFERENCES
The Socratic method
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socratic_method
SMART OBJECTIVES
https://www.professionalacademy.com/blogs-and-advice/what-are-smart-objectives-and-how-do-i-apply-them
GROW MODEL
https://www.performanceconsultants.com/grow-model
Towards or Away
https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/power-tools/elle-wilks-moving-away-from-vs-moving-towards/
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
MAKING USE OF YOUR RESOURCES (YOU HAVE MORE THAN YOU THINK)
In this posting I will discuss how we make best use of all the resources that are available to us to achieve the outcomes that we want.
SELF-BELIEF IS A STARTING POINT
When finding all the resources you need for any outcome the obvious place might be to start with google, Facebook, LinkedIn and all the other social media methods of getting people, capital, equipment and ideas. But actually, the starting point is YOU.
If you do not believe you should or can then that belief will stop you before the use of any of these tools of the mental tools I will explore later.
Two influential theories that have shaped our knowledge of self-confidence are William James self-esteem formula, and Banduras Self-Efficacy Theory, Thanks to William James, we learned that self-confidence is an important predictor of success. His formula for self-esteem (a related, but slightly different construct than self-confidence) proposes that it is built on the foundations of two elements:
How we feel and what we believe about ourselves (our self-confidence/self-belief)
How well we actually perform
Banduras theory states that self-efficacy is built on ones beliefs in the likelihood of future success those who believe they have the ability to influence the events of their lives have high self-efficacy, while those who feel they are not in control and have little to no impact on what will happen to them in the future have low self-efficacy
While self-confidence is also concerned with beliefs about the future, there is a definite link to the pastafter all, our self-confidence is built on our past experiences. On the flipside, when your self-confidence is low, you generally get the opposite of the benefits listed above: you struggle in your relationships and at work, you dont feel very happy, you dont cope well with stress, and you probably lack energy and motivation.
You may also suffer from self-limiting beliefs these are beliefs that limit or constrain us in some way, and keep us from thinking, saying, or doing the things we want to do and the things that can help us grow.
These self-limiting beliefs generally fall into one of these categories:
1) I do/dont limiting beliefs regarding how we define ourselves.
2) I cant limiting beliefs in terms of our self-image and self-efficacy.
3) I should/shouldnt limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in self-judgment and even self-shame.
4) I am/am not limiting beliefs that centre on what we are or are not (e.g., I am intelligent vs. I am stupid).
5) Others are/will limiting beliefs that focus on other people and what we assume they are thinking.
REVIEW AND REVISE YOUR EXPERIENCES IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT
Our senses give us information about ourselves and the world. The better we listen, see, feel, (and taste and smell) the better chance we have of understanding whats going on.
Submodalities are some of the qualities of our senses. They add more information and richness. For example, some qualities of sight are light or dark, focused or unfocused, colour ormonochrome.
Our memories are built from sensory experience. Memories arent fixed, they change as we gain new experiences. By exploring the qualities of the sensory language of our memories, and changing them, we can change the memories themselves in ways that are useful to us.
The same can be said about imagination both how we imagine things within our own minds, and how we paint a picture, through language, as we communicate our ideas to others.
For example, if the internal image you see representing a big, overwhelming problem is actually a very large image (size being a common visual submodality) you can shrink the image in your mind. When you see the same problem in a much smaller size, it may reduce the sense of feeling overwhelmed.
Being aware of sensory language can help us change how we think and behave. A musician, an artist, a triathlete and a businessman are likely to describe memories in different ways. They have different sensory experiences and this is reflected in their language.
A first step is understanding some of the qualities, or submodalities, of our senses.
Visual
Association (associated or dissociated)
Size (large or small)
Motion (still or moving, slideshow or movie)
Colour (colour or black and white)
Brightness (bright or dark)
Distance (near or far)
Focus (focused or unfocused)
Clarity (clear or fuzzy)
Location (top, bottom, left, or right)
Depth (2D or 3D)
Frame (framed or panoramic)
Number of images
Auditory
Location (mono, stereo, surround)
Tonality (flat or engaging)
Tempo (slow or fast)
Pitch (high or low)
Pace (fast or slow)
Intensity (intense or soft)
Clarity (clear or fuzzy)
Volume (loud or soft)
Rhythm (regular or irregular)
Kinesthetic
Location (Where do you feel it?)
Vibration (Is it still or pulsing?)
Movement (Is it still or moving? If its moving trace the movement with your hands.)
Pressure (Is there any pressure? If so, is it light or intense?)
Shape (What shape is it?)
Size (How big is it?)
Temperature (Does it have a temperature? Is it warm or cool, or something else?)
Direction (Does it have a direction? If so describe it.)
Steady or intermittent (Is it steady or intermittent?)
Taste / Smell (Sweet, Sour, Aroma, Fragrance,Salt, Sweet, Essence, Pungence.)
Key points
When we access a memory and identify its submodalities in closer detail, we tend to bring back the details of that memory and amplify its associated feelings. When we change the submodalities of the memory we also change the memory and its associated feelings.
By making our images brighter, more colourful and closer, we amplify the power of the memory over us. By making them less bright, less colourful and further away, we weaken its power.
By associating into the image, we connect with how we felt. Disassociating and looking at ourselves in the memory makes us become more analytical and more distant from how we felt.
We can learn to spin our feelings sometimes, emotions present themselves as physical sensations that seem to move and loop somewhere in the body. By first recognizing this feeling, and then amplifying the movement through visualization, we give ourselves the opportunity to be bathed and massaged by good feeling
The more we can influence our own feelings, the more we can influence the feelings of those around us.
Suggested Senses and Submodalities Exercise
Write down 5 activities that you enjoy. Explore the submodalities of your most recent experience of each. Then explore the submodalities of your most intense experience of each. In what way are the submodalities different?
ANCHORING
In NLP, anchoring refers to the process of associating an internal response with some external or internal trigger so that the response may be quickly, and sometimes covertly, re-accessed.
This is the science behind superstition, touching wood, lucky pants, of other habits, rituals or behaviours that make us feel confident.
Anchoring is a process that on the surface is similar to the conditioning technique used by Pavlov to create a link between the hearing of a bell and salivation in dogs. By associating the sound of a bell with the act of giving food to his dogs, Pavlov found he could eventually just ring the bell and the dogs would start salivating, even though no food was given. In the behaviorists stimulus-response conditioning formula, however, the stimulus is always an environmental cue and the response is always a specific behavioural action. The association is considered reflexive and not a matter of choice.
In NLP this type of associative conditioning has been expanded to include links between other aspects of experience than purely environment cues and behavioral responses.
A remembered picture may become an anchor for a particular internal feeling, for instance.
A voice tone may become an anchor for a state of excitement or confidence. A person may consciously choose to establish and re-trigger these associations for himself. Rather than being a mindless knee-jerk reflex, an anchor becomes a tool for self empowerment. Anchoring can be a very useful tool for helping to establish and reactivate the mental processes associated with creativity, learning, concentration and other important resources.
The combined use of submodalities (seeing things differently) and anchoring (being able to recall feelings of confidence by trigger) are extremely useful tools.
AFFIRMATIONS
Another element of confidence building to create personal resourcefulness is affirmations
The opportunity to use affirmations and create a life you desire is a big one, and takes a lot of energy to accomplish. When we see that affirmations really do work, we want to start affirming everything under the sun, in hopes that it will manifest itself into what we want. While it sounds good to repeat affirmations in every area to quicken the result of our desire, spreading ourselves too thin can often take away from our creative ability.
Much like accomplishing goals in real-time life, if something is to be accomplished, a focus must be placed on it and that focus must not be permitted to stray. If too much focus is placed in other areas, goals are not met. The same goes for affirmations. Affirmations create results in the future, and if they are scattered youll see scattered bits and pieces of your desires coming through, rather than a complete manifestation.
Fulfilling the Affirmation
When you begin to consciously utilize the power of I AM statements, your life will transform. This isnt something that works for some and wont work for you it works when you WORK IT! What I mean is that affirmations dont actually bring you what you want. Instead, affirmations bring you the opportunity to take action to build your desire from the ground up. And do the opportunities always come? You can bet on it.
Here are some extra tips to help you along on your manifesting journey:
Start Small
Affirmations take some time to get used to if youre not used to them. Start by affirming the small things that may already be in your life, but you dont always realize. Affirmations like I find and enjoy the simple pleasures life is offering right now, work great in helping you see new perspectives. To put it another way, its going to be a bit easier to focus on and manifest a good parking space than to have a Porsche in your driveway tomorrow morning.
Repeat, repeat, repeat
Its said that a habit takes twenty-one days to catch on. When you create affirmations, repeat them daily. Youll be amazed at how quickly things come together when youre constantly repeating the affirmation of your desired experience.
Believe!
Since youre repeating affirmations to create the future, it may sometimes feel like youre not telling yourself the truth or that youre not worthy to deserve what you desire. What is the truth of the future? Its what you make it to be, starting right now. Who is worthy? Who decides to feel worthy, starting right now.
USEFUL REFERENCES
12 Tips For Building Self-Confidence and Self-Belief (PDF Worksheets)
https://positivepsychology.com/self-confidence-self-belief/
Submodalities
https://www.nlpworld.co.uk/nlp-glossary/s/submodalities/
NLP Submodalities Heres a Revolutionary Way to Use Them in Coaching
https://inlpcenter.org/nlp-submodalities/
NLP Technique | Senses and Submodalities
https://www.nlp-techniques.org/what-is-nlp/senses-submodalities/
Anchoring
https://www.crowe-associates.co.uk/coaching-tools/nlp-anchoring-technique/
Affirmations
https://inlpcenter.org/why-affirmations-dont-come-true/
Key NLP Techniques Section Index
https://www.nlp-techniques.org/what-is-nlp/nlp-techniques-list/
1: NLP Techniques 2: Affirmations 3: Amplify feelings 4: Bad memories (Dissolving) 5: Bad memories (Exploding) 6: Beliefs and belief change 7: Perceptual positions 8: Fast phobia cure 9: Hypnosis and meditation 10: Luck 11: Metaprogrammes, Profiles and Preferences 12: Modelling 13. Progressive dissociation 14: Self Compassion 15: Senses and Sub-modalities (This page) 16. Six step re-framing 17: Storytelling 18: Strategies 19. Swish 20: Time and timeline 21. Visual Squash 22: Values and value rules 23: NLP Techniques Summary
ABOUT THE BLOG
This is a series of coaching blogs that eventually will become a book. By blogging each item I hope to share each element in easy to read bite size chunks, maybe invite some people to subscribe to see the next posting and hopefully encourage some comments, feedback and suggestions which will improve the content for the blog and eventually the book. All comments and feedback are therefore welcome.
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